Where the Other Socks Go!

For the curious among you, I can finally lay to rest an age old mystery that has plagued mankind for as long as anyone can remember. I would venture that everyone has heard at least one person lamenting over the way one sock from each pair can suddenly, mysteriously and usually permanently disappear into thin air. And I think its safe to say we all agree that it is the dryer that "eats them"... but no one ever knew where they went - until now.

Well, I now know where those missing socks go - and have definitive proof to back up my claim. It appears that they were all underneath my son's bed! Who knew?! How they got from the dryer to the dark wasteland under his bed is the real mystery... perhaps a tear in the fabric of time or a black hole? Or maybe gremlins or aliens...

Whatever the cause, somehow a motley assortment of unmatched foot wear of varying sizes and colours has manifested itself under there, along with some of his underwear, an astounding number of long discarded toys, sheets of paper with ONE line of writing on them, pens with the "business" part missing, lego pieces, game cartridges.... I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea.

I am chagrined to note that there was a significant amount of what I'll refer to as "fossilized organic" material under the bed too. By "organic", I mean "used to be food", by "fossilized", I mean... well - "fossilized". Totally free of moisture, shrivelled, devoid of any remaining similarity to something you could actually identify, this little food graveyard took me completely by surprise.

Now anyone who knows me will tell you that I am not (nor will I ever be) Martha Stewart. I wish. Given my own slap-dash personality and the type of life our family leads, even suggesting a similarity between me and the undisputed queen of advanced planning and organization would cause my sisters (and certain close cousins & friends) to really "rotfl" their respective "ao".

No, I live the life of a "just in time, guerilla" housekeeper. That is to say, if you plan to drop by our place for coffee.... don't just jump in the car - call first and give me time to tidy up (and it might be a good idea if you bring the coffee with you). If you are coming to stay overnight, I need several days notice. But I do try to keep the germ count to acceptable limits, and we have a strict no food in the bedroom rule... which brings us back to our topic - how on earth did my "DS" (Darling Son) manage to sneak this illicit midnight repast into his room? I suspect he may be a candidate for a career in "overt operations" some day.

I will say that "DS" has a captains bed, which, by the way, I do not recommend for "just in time, guerilla" housekeepers with young sons. I say this for a couple of reasons: captains beds are a pain to move and clean underneath, and they have lots of "hidy holes" and secret "stashing places".

So, after I spent the requisite amount of time making faces and gagging noises and uttering "motherly expletives", DS & I spent a rather unpleasant afternoon cleaning, disinfecting and putting things back together. Then I spent some additional time lecturing a remarkably unrepentant 11 year old on the dangers of stockpiling snack food under your bed (ie: the potential for bugs, sticky messes, what will the neighbours think....germs... did I mention the potential for bugs?). I suspect it might be a good idea if I do a weekly spot check for a while.

And now I'm sitting here with that colourful pile of socks (which are also unrepentant, I might add)... wondering how the heck a person without access to a black hole can get them all back to their rightful owners?

Anyone with ideas should post them to the comments section of this blog entry!

Note: It is now 8 hours after I initially wrote this blog. I just passed the bedroom door of "DS" and found a sheet of paper with one line of writing on it: "OFF LIMITS TO ALL BLOG WRITERS WRITING ANYTHING ABOUT DARLING SONS". I guess I asked for that one. ; )