Remedial Piling

By Shelly Sargent (From Family Matters Magazine - Spring/Summer 2012)

I’m seriously considering preparing and offering a course at a local community college.  Entitled “Remedial Piling 101″, this course will be an intensive, hands on foray into the mystical world of being able to have enough counter space to make a sandwich - even after clearing off the dinner table.

You guessed it… I’m knee-deep in the process of turning my two wonderful kids into responsible, functioning members of society.  This is a job that requires equal doses of the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomon (and a healthy dose of the luck of the Irish).   In the process of getting my offspring raised, I’ve often been forced to grit my teeth and cheerfully (not) accept poorly folded towels and sort-of washed dishes as I wait for the requisite the skill set to be learned.  Usually, this “skill set learning” moves along relatively quickly – taking a mere 3-6 years for most lessons to sink in. But in our house, we have an “ISSUE”…. and that issue involves piling.  Not the inability to pile… in fact, quite the opposite. 

We have piles everywhere.  Piles of papers. Piles of books.  Piles of dishes.  Piles of games and videos.  They are everywhere… and there is a dark side to all this piling. You see, my children seem unable to grasp the concept that it is possible to pile things of a similar size together in an effort to save space.  Using a standard example, you should be able to stack all 10″ plates together, with all the saucers stacked nicely before adding them to the top of the pile of plates.  Then you could top it all off with several cereal bowls – nicely nestled inside each other.   Alternately, a large magazine, with a smaller one on top, followed by a Reader’s Digest.  When stacking is done in this manner – it’s almost poetic. 

But a typical pile in our house goes something like this:  Put a thimble on the table.  Now add a Sears’s catalogue, followed by a satin blouse, 3 barrettes, a water pistol, a dinner plate adorned with half a jam sandwich and a half-finished glass of milk. Now pile on 2 dead batteries and finish off with today’s mail, two sheets that need signed and sent back to school and your lunch bag (with today’s remnants still inside and the zipper open, of course).  Try to arrange the entire pile on a teeter-y table corner near a high traffic area.  And of course it is absolutely imperative that you then be loudly critical of the poor buffoon who inadvertently sets the whole pile akimbo by simply walking by on their way to another room.

This piling problem is a terrible affliction, to be sure but I’d be a lot more concerned about my own kids if I wasn’t hearing about similar situations taking place in other homes in the area.  And I have to be honest… it isn’t just offspring who suffer this malady. It’s come to my attention that many people have spouses, parents and grandparents who may also be in need of some pointers on piling. 

Now it needs to be said: I’m not much of a teacher.  But I feel somewhat duty-bound to offer a solution if I can.  So here I sit – working on my curriculum.  So far I’ve decided the course will need to feature a lecture series  (Proper Piling for Fun & Profit);  a hands on project (Make these 6 objects fit into less than 36 square feet);  and a four hour round table session in which we use “aversion therapy” techniques to work past possible psychological blocks that may be causing the piling problem. 

Can my specialized training and piling interventions work?  Is it possible we could change our errant pile-makers into responsible members of society? With the proper courses and enough time - I believe anyone could be reformed.  Mind you – I am an incurable optimist…  (And that’s a whole other topic, believe me!) 

As for my (imaginary) college for the pile-challenged among us - drop me a line if you want to enrol anyone you know.  The applications forms are in a pile here somewhere…

Can you feel it?

Editorial - The Regional, June 2012

Some people have a favourite month or season, to the exclusion of all others.  I never really have, though I’ve said “this is my favourite time of year!” at least once per season for many years now. The fact of the matter is I see beauty, feel hope and draw inspiration from all the seasons (though I could live quite nicely without quite so much snow, thank you very much).  And as each different time of year rolls around, I am inspired and hopeful all over again.

My mood when June arrives is a case in point.  Sometime early in the month, I inevitably start feeling a restless tug somewhere in the region of my solar plexus.  I can remember feeling this way when I was a child and always assumed it was caused by that long slow burn of anticipation caused by waiting for the interminably lengthy school year to come to an end.  But since I’m long past those school years and still succumb to the same sensation, I have come to wonder if I misunderstood its cause for all those years. 

Perhaps there’s something more elemental in this feeling… something that has more to do with nature’s slow creep from fresh-turned earth to lustrous green bounty.  All I know is that I welcome this lovely tingle each year, as I also welcome the lovely new growth on fields and trees and the restless energy I see building in all of our children as they start sensing their 10 month enforced slavery to book-bags and binders coming to a close for the summer.

And with June’s arrival, I’m drawn to spending time each day with my fingers in the earth, much to the chagrin of my manicurist, Lucie, whose unthinkable task it will be to beat my unruly cuticles back into submission and find a way to clean and soften this soil-stained skin once more. It’s been gently suggested that I wear gloves when gardening… but how do you garden if you can’t feel the soil’s warmth on your skin?  Inconceivable!   Lucie’s is a dirty job, to be sure, but vitally necessary since I love all the wonderful events our 6^th month brings to Caledon (Steak & Lobsterfest, Wines of the World, Caledon Fair, Caledon Day and the opening of the Farmers’ Markets to name just a few) and try not to go out and about looking like I just crawled in out of a ditch anymore than is absolutely necessary.

And that reminds me… speaking of necessity – there are a few things that we all need to be reminded of this time of year:

First, if you live in the country and plan to have any type of open fire this summer, you’ll need to purchase an open air burn permit.  After you’ve done that, don’t forget to call before you strike the match to the tinder.  For info on the permit and what it covers, call the Caledon Fire & Emergency Services Department (905) 584-2272. Ext 4303 for more information.

Second, if you haven’t done so already, make a circuit of your yard and look for sources of open water where mosquito’s breed.  Dumping all that standing water will vastly reduce the mosquito population in your yard.

And finally, it’s time to get back into the habit of protecting ourselves and our loved ones from sun and heat.  Use sunscreen on yourself and your kids, stay out of direct sun during the heat of the day and wear light loose clothing to protect your skin even more.  Carry water with you when you are outside and remember to check in often with elderly friends and relatives, making sure they are remembering to look after themselves as well. 

In our pages this month, Dr. Katie talks about sweeteners, Deb Robertson waxes poetic about gardening and David Mielke discusses “cookies” while Justin Popovic takes on doubt and Stan Cameron reminds us once again that Education Matters.  In addition to all that and the usual round of news, information and events, we also hear from the Caledon Public Library about all the wonderful events and activities they have planned for the summer.

With all that great content to look forward to, I hope you’ll take a moment to sink into a comfy lawn chair, slap on a straw hat and sit in the garden with this month’s issue of the Regional… enjoying the smells of summer and the drone of the honey bees at work as you read.

Milestones

Editorial - The Regional Newspaper: May 2012

Every birthday, I give myself a gift.  Sometimes, it’s a tangible item.  Sometimes it’s a day off. This time, I’ve given myself the gift of honesty.  In a world in which I often have to bite my tongue and say the expected, politically-correct thing, my gift to myself on this landmark year is to share my feelings.

As we wind our way through life, our experiences and the world around us shape us, bending the raw material into the person we eventually become. My personal journey has been one of growth, and I’ve often felt like the world’s oldest student – always driven to learn new skills, experience things I’d never tried.

Then, sometime around mid-life, things started to change.  In addition to learning and experiencing, I started to feel a certain dissatisfaction. Not with my lot in life, and certainly not with my family and friends – there, I’ve been blessed, and I know it.  No, this dissatisfaction stems more from a knowledge that so much is wrong and so little is being done.  It comes from knowing that so many speak of what should be done yet so few put the effort in to do it.  And it comes from the general knowledge that so many people will spend more time in endeavours designed to make others look foolish than they will to solve the problems in their own lives.

And what brings all this navel-gazing about?  In simple words, this is a milestone birthday for me and it has me examining myself and the world I live in.  It is a world where government and politics is more about posturing and personal gain than it is about the good of the people. It is also a world in which news is available in an instant, but is often suspect – fast becoming just one more thing that is manipulated to lead the average person around by the nose.  It’s a world in which even the food we are being sold is not real any more – filled with additives, genetically modified, covered in chemicals. 

And in all of this, I inevitably get to wondering… is this the world I wanted to help build as a legacy for my children?  Not so much.  I could be wrong, but I suspect many of us feel this way, in these turbulent, often troubling times. 

Am I depressed, disillusioned, down for the count?  I might have been when I was younger – might have felt weighed down by the sheer magnitude of what is wrong in the world and what is required to make it right.  But one thing I know. We may live in a world with many problems, but it is also a world of endless possibility.  And I’m a “glass-half-full” kinda gal. 

No – what I am is determined.  I’m determined to continue to make as much of a difference as often as I can.  I’m determined to try to seek out, experience and share as much good as I can.  And I’m determined to find ways to teach my children to make a difference too. 

Speaking of children… I’d like to take a moment to send a special Mother’s Day message my own Mom, Inez (whom we lost 16 years ago) and to my husband’s Mom, Lynda. Their unwavering support and love have helped shape all their children into strong, wonderful people.  I only hope I can do half as well with my own kids. 

This May issue sees return visits from all our favourite regular contributors, and shares a lot of great information about our little corner of the world.  I hope you enjoy reading it.

Shelly

Watch for wildlife

Editorial - The Regional: April 2012

Record setting temps in mid-March, robins in the yard, early blooms in the garden, swarms of mosquito lurking at dusk… it’s been a precedent setting few weeks where the weather is concerned! The early onset of warm temperatures has Mother Nature thoroughly confused this year.  Temperatures were record-breaking through much of March, cooling off and becoming more seasonal as we approached April and these rapid fluctuations have had a profound effect on nature all around us. 

Whether all the erratic weather of late is a sign of the “greenhouse effect” as we are hearing from some sources, or whether it is simply a one-time anomaly, one thing is certain… we can expect this winter’s early warm spell to have some effect on many things this coming year. 

For instance, an Eastern Pine Elfin butterfly was seen at the Visitor’s Centre in Algonquin Park in mid-March. The poor creature would have over-wintered as a pupae only to emerge much too early as an adult due to the warm weather. This is only one example of one of the types of early spring happenings the warm spell has caused.  In this case the results will be devastating, as the butterfly has emerged before his food source has become available. Experts say this could potentially wipe out an entire generation of Eastern Pine Elfin butterflies in the park.  It’s reasonable to assume that other butterfly and insect species - as well as flora and fauna - will suffer the same effect.

Maple Syrup is a local product that has been drastically affected by this spring’s warm temperatures.  Producers across the province are reporting that their 2012 season was short and sweet (pun intended) and sap collection was about 40% of what is typical. Jennifer Roberts of Duffy’s Lane Maple told us their tree’s stopped producing quite early - even before their usual tapping date. 

All this uncertainty means we should take a few things into consideration. Mosquito’s have already hatched, so we’ll need to be diligent about removing standing water from our properties starting now. We’ll all have to be watchful for turtles crossing the road in rural areas and for deer and other wildlife who may be more interested in a “early spring frolic” than they are in looking both ways before crossing the roads.

Gardens are also blooming much earlier than usual.  A word of caution to the novice gardener – don’t mistake the warm temperatures s for carte blanche to get an early start on pruning or to clear all your protective mulch and leaves from the flower beds just yet.  We could still be in for a return of the big chill, so it is probably wise to leave your beds protected until the date you would normally do your big spring yard opening.

Spring conditions can cause wet areas to be very dangerous.  A quick warning to parents – make sure the kids are warned to stay clear of ponds, streams and other sources of water.  Enjoy the early warm temperatures while they are here, but don’t let your guard down… as we all know, Mother Nature is unpredictable and winter conditions could still make a surprise return visit!

In the Regional this month: Did you ever wonder about what’s in a name?  Deb Robertson has and explores the topic this month.  David Mielke reviews OneNote, Justin Popovic invites us to claim our self-confidence and Stan Cameron brings us news about school happenings in the area. The Motts provide us with two views on how media coverage of sensational murder trials is handled, we learn a bit about nutrition for kids from Dr. Katie McKeown, and you can check out another great recipe in Granny’s Kitchen and find out what’s happening locally from Community Matters.  All this plus the usual area news and information waits inside our April issue. 

Happy Easter from all of us here at The Regional!

Time to hitch up the horse and buggy?

Editorial - The Regional: March 2012

There has been a fair bit of recent media hype about the possibility that gas prices could be set to rise as much as 20 cents between now and mid-summer 2012.  This is not good news for anyone, but is especially distressing for those of us who live in a rural area of Caledon, or who have to commute to get to work.  For us, a price hike of that magnitude would be potentially devastating.  It would affect every aspect of our lives, because not only would our travel costs increase, but so would the price of all goods that are not produced locally. In fact it is very likely that about the only thing that wouldn’t increase would be our earnings. 

Could our eventual increase really be that high?  It’s difficult to know, but my personal observation is that we typically get an annual warning of an enormous price increase, but usually end up with what the experts like to call more “modest increases.” My cynical side feels that this is done deliberately in an act designed to make us feel like our outrage over a ridiculous price increase has somehow had an effect and caused the powers that be to see the error of their ways and come up with a way to keep the increase from being too substantial.

At this point in time, the only thing we know for sure is that there will almost certainly be an increase, but the reality is that even a more “modest” hike of 10 cents per litre will cost the average car owner an additional 5 to 10 dollars per fill up.  If you fill up once per week, that eats up $250 - $500 per year.  To most of us that is a couple of week’s groceries.  Another way to look at it – it’s a big chunk of your Christmas shopping budget. 

These ridiculous increases have been happening regularly for decades now.  Every year, we’re hit by yet another price hike just as the summer travel season begins. Myriad numbers of experts spout sound bite after sound bite of technical sounding baffle-gab, outlining hosts of vague reasons for the increases:  crude prices rising, instability in eastern nations… even the weather gets blamed. In reality, it doesn’t really matter what the reasons are – we all know the increase will happen.

We also know there are really only a few options open to us when and if the increases take place; we can limit our travel as much as possible, making every trip count, we can buy as much locally produced material as possible and we can try to find ways to stop being as dependent on fuel.

Is it time to start looking into purchasing a horse and buggy?  I’ll let you be the judge of that.  I don’t think we’re there quite yet, and I certainly can’t imagine riding up to the Caledon Farmers’ Market that way.  But it is clear that something has to give. 

In The Regional this month, we have another visit from the Motts – this time talking about moving.  Deb Robertson gives us “the Road Less Graveled” view of Facebook,  Justin Popovic discusses “living by design” this month and David Mielke gives us some pointers on “search savvy”. Dr. Katie chimes in on the benefits of dietary cleanses and Granny’s Kitchen shares a recipe for Wacky Cake (an old family favourite of mine.)  And as if that isn’t enough, we have an im-PULSE-ive look at St. Patrick’s Day, info on what to do if you have a flat tire, a spring savings primer, our usual look at events and happenings in the area and much more.

We hope you enjoy the March 2012 issue of The Regional.  Have a great March Break!

The ‘Dol’ Drum is sounding

Editorial - The Regional: February 2012

The winter doldrums (or ‘dol’ drums, as I jokingly refer to them this time of year) are sounding again, their persistent, depressing beat dragging us down as only short daylight hours and cold temperatures can.  Pardon the depressing picture but as I’ve mentioned before, I am one of those people who “endures” winter, seeing it as part of the price I must pay for living in my beloved Canada. 

Although I could live without the cold weather personally, in recent years I’ve learned to enjoy the winter season through the eyes of people like my friend Dawn, who is genuinely heartbroken when there is less than a foot of snow on the ground to enjoy this time of year.  Learning to share in another’s joy is one of the wonderful things that happens’ when you start getting older – the ability to look at things through the eyes of others – seeing life as they see it. Having said that, I have to be honest… if I were given a “menu” and asked to choose the weather I preferred to experience, we’d definitely be feasting on some much warmer “entree” items.

A recent fall of snow has buoyed my spirits a bit, though… covering the ground in a blanket of clean white snow. But even though I’m trying my darndest to embrace the season by watching the sun sparkle off fresh snow or cuddling with hot chocolate and a blanket during a storm, I’m always glad to see February roll around.  As Groundhog Day passes and Valentine’s Day creeps towards us, I usually begin to feel the seasons start rounding that slow corner that leads towards spring, lightening my mood somewhat - even though I know it will be many weeks before the weather starts to warm appreciably.  And I have to confess, Family Day does inspire me to get out there and do some snowshoeing, which is one outdoor winter activity that I truly love to experience.  This year I plan to get my kids on snowshoes, so we can enjoy the fun together.

This month, The Regional is packed full of great information. Michael Long shares some great reasons to indulge in chocolate (just in time for Valentine’s Day!) and Stan Cameron proves once again that Education Matters. David Mielke shows us how to read with our eyes closed, Justin Popovic tells us to stop waiting for permission and we share a great tax tip from Liberty Tax. Im-PULSE-ive provides a list of ways to celebrate our love on a shoestring, Deb Robertson gives us her take on cosmetic augmentation and Paul Cookson explains why a consistent image is key when marketing your business. And once again, we drop in to Granny’s Kitchen for a simple but delicious recipe and – as always – we provide you with great information about community matters, news, events and happenings in the area.

We’d like to invite you to join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/theregionalnewspaper or on Twitter at www.twitter.com/TheRegional for regular news and information updates throughout the day. I also want to take a few moments to thank our wonderful community partners – those organizations and businesses that assist us by making The Regional available for our readers to pick up each month.  You can drop in and get your copy by visiting any branch of the Caledon Public Library, Caledon Community Services or the Town of Caledon.  You can also pick up the Regional at Canadian Tire, Home Hardware, Garden Foods, Forster’s Book Garden and Wal-Mart (all in Bolton), Foodland, Berney’s Pro Hardware, Tom’s Restaurant & Trailside Café (Caledon East), Palgrave Café and In Studio Be (Palgrave) and at from the retail locations of many of our monthly advertiser’s.  Our list of locations is always growing, and you can check it out at our website: www.theregional.ca. 

We hope February is a great month for all of you!

Man Vs. Nature - Part 2

In a recent post, I told you of an epic battle that is taking place in a yard right here in Caledon… a battle between a determined man and an equally determined squirrel. This is an ongoing struggle and I’m sure I’ll be telling you more about it as time goes on.
But today, we’re going to visit another yard in Caledon… and this yard is also under siege. But this time the battle rages between a woman who should know better and raccoon who most assuredly does.

Now public opinion varies widely when it comes to raccoons… there are those who love this wily little rodent and there are those who curse their very existence. Our hero this week (who must remain anonymous because – as my sister – she deserves that small courtesy) falls somewhere in between… she is quick to appreciate the attractiveness and cunning of the small forest creatures whose very name is said to mean “dexterity”. 
But as she goes about setting up a new compost bin, she quickly sees the other side of the coin…

Now I know you are sitting there thinking “All this lady has to do is properly install the composter and follow composting “best-practices” and she’ll have no problem.” But therein lies the rub… this poor soul has set up kitchen composters before, and she does it all by the book. She secured the composter by digging it into the earth… she put the right things into it… avoiding meats and cheeses that were sure to attract “pests”… she layered, watered, added earth and organics… she made sure the composter she was using had a secure lid and trap door. She did it all correctly.

But in a matter of hours, the coon’s were into the composter. The yard went from “Better Homes and Gardens” to “Better Haul Away Garbage” in a trice. Unable to open the lid of the composters, the coons had opened the trap door at the bottom and dined on the “patio”, as it were.

The next night, the trap door was secured by 9 inch nails (the spike, not the industrial rock group) and sturdy wire. The coons, undeterred, dug under the composter & chowed down.

Night number three – a roll of chicken wire is buried in the ground around the composter’s perimeter, intended to discourage excavation. And it does… the little beggers simply tip the entire composter over.

Incidentally, we’re not sure how the heck they did this… but my sister… (er – I mean “our hero”) begins to mull over a theory in which the coons might have learned how to start the Bolens… Its at this point that I begin to recognize the tell-tale signs of that same “wilderness obsession” that afflicts all those who grapple with the wild. I sigh, and walk away knowing that another “wildly ingenious” solution is imminent.

• And so, we come to the end of Man vs. Nature (Part II). And although we’ve shared a couple of chuckles, I believe we’ve also learned several things…
  First – humans (at least those around me) tend to be a bit “obsessive-compulsive” when nature issue a challenge;
• Second – if wild animals are to be used as an example, there’s no such thing as an insurmountable problem (that’s a great lesson, I think);
• And third – It’s a lot of fun to sit back and chuckle at someone else’s misadventure’s.

But that begs the question… have you checked your composter lately?

Man Vs Nature - Part 1

It is the stuff of legends – the ongoing struggle between man and the wild. This battle – as old as time – is widely fought, and means man must use all of the knowledge, ingenuity and cunning at his disposal to triumph over a force of a nature so powerful, it is virtually unstoppable.

I refer, of course, to the battle to keep the squirrels out of the bird feeder. This is a battle that has driven more than one perfectly rational human being to commit acts which confound, confuse (and perhaps even frighten) his family and friends. I’m going to share one such story with you now. (Names have been with-held to protect the identity of my father-in-law.)

Let us take you back a number of years, to a winter day shortly after our hero moved to Caledon. The homeowner’s lovely rural property is a scenic, private retreat and he and his wife enjoy the company of natures winged creatures so much they install a bird feeder in their yard.

All is well for a number of weeks but soon, the squirrels discover that a new “all you can eat buffet” has arrived in town. The homeowner is not too concerned. He puts a “squirrel collar” on his feeder, assuming he has put paid to his unwanted seed-poacher. But he has underestimated his adversary…

A few days later, he looks out his kitchen window just in time to witness an acrobatic act worthy of Cirque du Soliel. One of the squirrels has discovered that if he travels far enough out on one of a neighbouring birch tree’s branches, he can generate enough “lift” to launch himself onto the bird feeder, thereby circumventing the offending collar.

The homeowner retaliates by getting busy and giving all of the trees neighbouring the birdfeeder a good, thorough “haircut”, assuming this simple act will thwart his red-coated foe. Alas, he is wrong.

So it goes… over weeks, months, seasons, and years, our hapless hero uses every humane and ingenious idea he can come up with to protect his precious feeder. He employs wider collars, self-closing feeders, motion sensors and noise-makers – all with no success.

But is our hero a beaten man? Never. He now realizes that nothing on the market will work on his particular squirrel – a squirrel so wily that he will have to manufacture something of his own design, if he ever hopes to win this war.

And so a new battle is begun. The last report we had from the battle front involved the re-engineering of an old metal lamp shade and a complicated system of pulleys, wires and gears which would somehow protect the feeder and dislodge the squirrel, should it try another assault. Still in the planning stages, we are given to understand that this new weapon will be added to the feeder sometime in the next week or so. I should probably mention that the bird feeder is now starting to develop a somewhat “unusual” appearance – something that fits somewhere between “alternative garden art” and “home-made rocket launcher”.

In all of this struggle, there is hair-pulling, fist-shaking and – yes, I suspect a certain amount of questionable language… but there is also a grudging respect for the instinct, cunning and determination that drives the squirrel just as hard as it drives the man.

In the end, we fear it will come down to “nuts”… either the battle with the squirrel will be won and it will return to a diet of them, or the man will eventually lose his battle (and his mind) and be diagnosed as one.

A Brush with the Past Gives a Special Gift

My friend Kim is a daily painter, and often her paintings depict “everyday” items or situations – seen as only an artist can see them. Today, she painted two humble dandelions in a glass jar, and posted it to her blog with a short but eloquent note about childhood bouquets. Something about Kim’s words and the golden blooms on her canvas transported me back to my grandmother’s kitchen and for a moment, I was 7 again – sitting on a wooden hoop back chair that had been painted white, but had black feet. I was looking at the windowsill over the kitchen sink, and in front of the view outside to the barn, I could see the small posy of dandelion, devil’s paintbrush, violets and red clover – which I’d carefully picked moments before – proudly sitting in a small jar of water. I was eating my reward for such a lovely gift – a small bowl of fresh strawberries from Grandma’s garden while Grandma puttered around the kitchen talking about what she still had to do before the “men” came in for dinner.

That’s a lot of detail for a split second vision, but such is the power of memory. We all have these wonderful little snippets of the past tucked away in our consciousness. Little pockets of our lives, carefully packed away – just waiting for the right trigger to remind us of them once again. And these swift “visions” of the past sometimes bring forward much more detailed remembrances, as did this one. It reminded me of the sound of Grandma’s water pump, and the sweet, wonderful taste of their well water – the best water I ever tasted.

 The other memory it triggered was of my Grandfather’s huge hands opening an amber coloured pill bottle with a white lid, and tipping out 2 or 3 pennies or nickels to share among his 3 freckle faced granddaughters. I remember the 3 of us standing around him in hushed expectation. In those days, a penny or a nickel was a rare gift for a child of 6 or 7 and we were breathless with excitement to receive such a prize.

So thank you, Kim, for this rare little trip back to moment from my childhood. It was a lovely treat to spend another moment or two in Grandma’s mint green kitchen with the late afternoon sun warming me though the windows. These little gifts that life throws our way must be savoured and appreciated, and this one certainly was!

Cords

I have been planning to do some painting in our living room and actually found myself with a few minutes to work on it this week.  Actually, it would be more accurate to say I’ve been planning to finish some painting in our living room, since this is a project that got started several months ago and got set to the side when I suffered a rotator cuff injury.  Since then, it’s been sitting there in its unfinished state, mocking me – a daily reminder of one more unfinished item on my cosmic (and unending) to-do list.

In any case, with my found time, I jumped right in and got to work. In no time the wall in question (behind our fireplace) got a nice coat of semi-designer café au lait paint.  Okay – who are we kidding here - it’s what my mom used to call dirty beige.  I like it, its bright and clean but not too stark and harsh.  If you happen to come over and see it – humour me when I tell you it is café au lait, okay!?  I’m very sensitive about crap like that!

Anyways, when i was finished, I decided that we had too many cords and power supplies all twisted together in a monstrous, writhing abomination of electrical conduit – all making itself into a wierd little nest behind the satellite box.  Perhaps it was time  to do a bit of “cord organization” to finish things off, I thought to myself?  I was so naïve…

I got right to work, and in no time at all, I was frustrated, lost and (I have to admit) a trifle frightened.     You see, not only do I have a limited knowledge of what cord goes where and why, but I also have no idea (nor do I care) why you would ever need to connect the vcr to the dvd player to the satellite to the gaming system(s).   Just looking at the whole mess makes me dizzy and a trifle ill. I have to face facts -  I am hopelessly cord-challenged.  There’s no other way to say it.

But I’m not a quitter, and so I started tracing wires from device to destination, carefully noting what started where and ended where-else.  I began the dizzying process of carefully untangling each 12-15 foot long section of cord, and re-attached each connection with what I felt was a suitable amount of care and precision.  When I was at last finished and had plugged the last cord in, I stepped back, picked up the remote and triumphantly turned on the television.  

Nothing.

It was deader than a doornail, to quote my ‘o-so-quotable’ father!  Obviously I’d done something wrong.  Of course, by now, my careful system of keeping cords separate and “remembering” where everything went was totally useless.  So I decided to just use logic.  I spent another half hour trying to sort the whole mess out – all the while fighting an overwhelming urge to heave the whole bloody mess out the window, plugged in the last cord, stepped back and tentatively picked up the remote.

Nothing.

It was now that my 12-year-old son came home from school.  After a short “de-briefing” session, in which I shouted… er, that is to say I explained what had happened and what the difficulty was, DS (Darling Son) sat down, moved three plugs, jumbled up a bunch of cords, almost pulled the new tv off the wall, fought with his sister, sent a message to his friend on his DSi and then plugged in the last cord, stepped back and casually picked up the remote.

Eureka!  Everything worked seamlessly – harmony restored once more to our little electronic universe.  I was thrilled - and more than a little relieved that DH (Darling Hubby) wouldn’t have to come home and repair all my hapless handiwork.  Then I happened to look behind the unit that houses the satellite receiver, dvd player, etc. and saw…  a monstrous, writhing abomination of electrical conduit – all making itself into a wierd little nest. 

It was at this point that I made myself a coffee and sat myself down to watch Oprah.  I’m not stupid - I know when I’m beat.